Thursday, 23 February 2012

What being Gifted means to me (I)

Up till now I have been going on at length about ADD, What I have not told you is what it is like to be Gifted. I am comorbid, two social diseases: having ADD and being Gifted. These things are actually much the same, but not completely.  Do you remember not being able to stand the sound of others munching their food? Did you greatly dislike loud noises? Did you not speak until the age of 4, only to be fluent form then on? Was it hard for you to have other people tell you what you should be doing, in stead of finding out yourself? For me this is all part of my Giftedness, But what is it exactly?
For me Giftedness means the urge to synthesise (no not the music). To take two viewpoints and integrate them into one overriding principle is to me the ultimate act of creation.
Yes I like it! Yes to understand the greater picture makes me feel secure and relaxed. Does it mean I am less sociable? Yes it does. Does it make relations with others more difficult? Yes it does! and her is how it goes with me:

  • I always tend to take the holistic view. So for me to have an opinion on something usually takes a while because there are so many aspects to consider
  • I try to take the holistic view and take too much time considering other people's opinions, so I lose sight of your own feeling/ self
  • this is my personal booby trap, if I see what's wrong within a group or situation and I am the only one seeing it, I always take responsibility, making life really hard for myself
  • this is something I saw in my father when he was taking counselling for his alcohol problems, once you lose your way it is hard to get back because it is too easy to understand what is expected and play the role when you should be confronting your issues
  • because I am used to making up my own mind it is hard to take other peoples solutions for granted
  • because of my high ability it is difficult to judge the level of knowledge other people have, which makes me insecure
As a result I am stand offish, easily lost in thought, non-conformist and prone to self destruction, much in the same way a ADD person would (Hallowell's SLIDE principle Do I feel that having a great brain, lively imagination and high sensitivity makes me unhappy? Of course I do not. To take that point of view would be silly. Is there a way forward? Of course there is. As I said in my belief system I think it is my greatest asset. But how to use it? There is a way. But it is past my bedtime and I want to talk with my wife about it first.


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