Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Winning the battle but losing the war

I think I am really getting somewhere understanding ADD/ ADHD, how the processes work, what the behaviour patterns are, how medication might help and what you can do about it! So I was rather positive until yesterday. My new boss took me aside and expressed his concern for my health.

"Why is that a bad thing?", you might ask. In itself it isn't, if not for my boss' constant proclamation of his own results. My boss is big on achieving results, to the point I am wondering why he feels he has to prove himself. Results will probably be the way to get his respect and attention.
I do look a lot worse than normal because of the methylfenidate, I have become pale and lost 6kg in weight. Thing is, he has been my boss for two months now and has never talked to me in private even once. It does have me wondering. I reaally don't want to be in my bosses bad books. My family is depending on me.

I asked after the health of one of my co-workers who had been overworked. He said that the guy was OK and  he was giving him an easier job so he could recuperate. So far so good. Then he went on to say that the reason my co-worker got overworked because of pressure, followed by lack of overview, followed by people insisting on deadlines, more pressure, less overview etcetera. How very ADD and how uncomfortably close to home.

This leaves me with a couple of actions:
  • first thing I did was reassuring my boss that I did not need his help because I was working together with his own boss, communication was running smoothly and I felt comfortable and supported
  • Second thing I did was invite my boss to a meeting so he could share his goals with me, helping me to set  priorities should the need arise (this is Hallowell proof: seeking contact with other people)
  • third thing I need to do is split my personality. At heart I am right brained, chaotic, creative person; on the surface I must strive to seem a target driven, process oriented, organised high achiever. (Since I am a highly gifted person that should be possible even if it does not feel right)
  • Fourth thing I will do is check out who is influencing my boss and whom he listens to

So what I need to do is pretty clear. It is not so fortunate that I will be changing my medicine over the weekend. I will be going to dexamphetamine on a low dose. Hope my career survives.

That is the downside. The upside is that one of my posse finally managed to get me into a meeting and we had a good conversation. I was able to support her creative ideas and give her positive feedback that made her day. We will probably do a project together which, if successful, will change the way my company does business.

Today I started another positive connection with an employee furnished to me be the CFO. I am lucky it is on a subject I did a lot of daydreaming on. I am lucky it is on a subject so complex few others can sort it. Perhaps my situation is not as bad as I perceived it to be. After nearly being sacked 14 months ago it gave me a big scare.

Tomorrow I will write a post on the company intranet en boost my visibility even further. Never hurts to have  as many supporters as you can, even if I don't know yet which ones are influencing my boss.


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