There are some new reflections that tell me how my brain works. It ain't pretty but I had better write them down anyway:
Yesterday I had a meeting with the CFO, my business manager and a manager from another department to decide on some Capital Expenditure. I had been preparing for, and looking forward to this meeting. Whats more: a colleague of mine that was supposed to join me was called away so I had the room to myself! Imagine my disappointment when the CFO was late, the meeting was cut 1/2 short and I had not been able to raise the topics that I wanted to :(. Later I saw the CFO had another appointment that was more important to him. I am afraid I felt jealous, on the other hand: if you want attention Ýdo something positive.
Today I had review with a special message: we are running out of budget! The reasons were completely understandable but my business manager was pissed. He said I had not prepared properly and I felt guilty. The question is why. My colleague felt angry. I do not know what the right response would have been. If I could have done it over, could I have doen it differently? Perhaps if I were a new and improved version of me. Now I will make amends and quickly, and succeed in doing so! But it does not feel right.