Saturday, 14 April 2012

Therapy gone slightly wrong

Today I had a conversation with my therapist about planning. I think I may have bodged up the conversation. My intention was to talk about my planning skills and ways to improve them. In stead I talked about my experiences so far, especially in relation to my son and wife, the reason being the Thomas Gordon thing. I went about it all wrong, probably because I was ill prepared for the Thomas Gordon conversation, and here is what happened.
First off I stated that I still had my doubts about Thomas. That was a  mistake. I brought it up because it was part of my homework, but it was not what I came for. Secondly I was critical about the guy that my therapist strongly believes in.  I should not have communicated my doubts because she took it personal. For me doubting and challenging is second nature... , an intellectual endeavour. But it is not everyone's cup of tea. People take it personal.
In the end we did go through the motion of planning methods. But not very thoroughly. My therapist being eager to move on.

We got to the conflicts with my son and the differences of opinion between me and my wife: It went downhill from there. In the end my therapist was insulted because I said I did not think she could change my wife's mind. How stupid and nonconstructive of me! Here is a person trying to look out for me and I alienate her on a subject that is off topic. Typical.

I suppose there is a lesson in there too: It is not everyone's cup of tea to truly speculate, and people need a clear emotional message. There is a second message too: I need to stop voicing doubts because people will misinterpret it as complaining or weakness! Perhaps I should become like the perky young women at the office!

Apart from that I need to prepare better, with all the participants in mind. For this week I will start arranging the planning stuff myself. Also I will give it a try with the Gordon stuff with my son. This afternoon I used Gordon's six step process. I corrected all my wife's you messages and converted them into I messages I tried for a win-win. That last one being very difficult because my son is not very open about his wishes and will promise anything to end the discussion.


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