Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Diary entry

There is a lull in my progress that is noticeable in a Classic ADD relapse. Yesterday my company had a motivational event that really had me nervous. It was a seven hour meeting day with nothing but significant others. So I felt nervous to begin with. The kind of indistinct feeling there are loose ends that will come to hound you later on. 10 minutes before all the meetings begin something happens to upset me: four prints where required and the printer server was not working swift enough causing me to double print and to run back and forth to the printer a kazilion times. Next, the print for the motivational session was lost, causing me to go through my papers three times. Then, just when I had cut short the first meeting, the first meeting got cancelled, the second was a no show and got resheduled in the only free time slot of the day. The third meeting got resheduled until after work hours, then we had the motivational session, during which I lost my colleagues because there were some urgent emails that needed answering (from my direct boss).
The motivational event was great! Everything was carefully orchestrated, including testimonials and the lot. Afterwards some people wer sceptical, being of the view that they had seen it all before, seeing is believing, etcmm Not me. For me the glass is half full. Part of the ideas put forward were completely new to the organisation and a step in the right direction! Sure, there are always restrictions that force management to act in discord with their stated intentions, but hey, for an ADD that is completely understandable and justified. At least the stated intentions were heartfelt and to me that is what counts. Gifteds are extremely sensitive to these things. I felt really motivated. Then came a meeting session from hell in three different buildings, half hour a piece, and all of them important. My foursqaure rating could have gone up but the pressure was such that I completely forgot to log in.
At e quarter to five there was some me time, which I used to check up on a co-worker that was coordinating the intake of financial plans of eight different departments that needed to be consolidated yesterday. All was going well, there were only three pieces missing, one from a newbie, one from me myself, and one from another sloppy controller. Hurry up and do my financial plan, hand it in, and during this work my after hours meeting shows up. Fortunately the guy that also still needed to hand in his plan. We had a shot meeting discussed progress and went our ways, leaving me time to finish my financial plan.
Then Peter shows up. He is leaving the company and doing a sort of round to get things of his chest/ work through emotions and tying up loose ends. We discussed the motivational session. Even Peter is a bit indecisive on the integrity of management. Strange how people need to voice discontent when there is nothing they can do anyway. Why not just enjoy the show?
After that I finally had some time to process my email. Departure time sprung on me, making me rush. A quick run past all building to up my foursquare points. In the first tube twitter caught my eye. In particular there was a blog I wanted to respond to but disqus was not working. Quickly into another tube and away to pick up my son. Texting I was late. Relief for reaching the building and glad he had not come out of class! Then he texts me back asking where I was. Wrong building, wrong side of town! Damn! Poor boy to have me for a father. Another tube, some more rushing, pick up the kid and home. (By now it is 9 o'clock). Make dinner for the two of us, rehearse his homework with him and look at the days shopping my wife and daughter have done, and the art projects they have been working on.
By the time everyone has gone to bed I crash on the couch and play some zelda.

Not that I feel guilty (except to my son. It just is not the progress I imagined it would be! Hopefully a better week next week.


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